![]() ![]() What is new is that several cues have been taken from Mass Effect, and not just the fixed surname, mono-species protagonist of unrecorded gender and profession. With nothing so harrowing as an engine change on the cards, every character is still assembled from the rather lacking Dragon Age 1 asset pool, including the shiny haircuts made from varnished wood and the universally identical bodies that leave Hawke's elderly mother with the same massive, curvaceous bosoms as a table dancer, Freud Freud. Who's the villain? What's the overarching threat? Wherefore begins the grand adventure? What, in a nutshell, is Dragon Age II about? Well, it's about seeing how long you stretch a game with a total of about seven rooms. And I'd just like to point out that this is quite a long game, so being a male character with the first name Ethan is going to stop being funny very fast.ĭuring the events of the first game, Hawke and his or her family were driven out of their homeland to a city across the sea, a place with such a huge intolerance for immigrant refugees that you will spend your entire existence there being set upon by gangs of identical dudes every thirty fucking seconds.īut this is just the setup. Here you're always a human with the surname Hawke, so to compensate for the lack of choice other characters can actually address you by name. Burger King Kid's Club of races and backstories. Much like the first one, it's all about the representative messages and can't go five minutes without someone being really heavy-handedly racist against mages, elves, dwarves, goldfish, et cetera, which is why I find it somewhat ironic that you're only allowed to play as a human this time around, when the first game let you pick from an entire. I can think of a few: Dragon Age: Intermission, Dragon Age: Loading., or perhaps just Dragon Age: Bhluur.Īctually, this is harder than I thought, because before a subtitle can be thought up we need to determine exactly what Dragon Age II is about. Original thought was apparently at such a premium that they couldn't even think of a subtitle. How do I know? Because it's called Dragon Age II. And Dragon Age II is almost certainly in the second camp. But even before we begin, I can tell you this: there are two kinds of games in this putrid world of ours, those who are made mainly because developers thought it would be a lovely thing for everyone to play and those who are made mainly because the developers thought it would be lovely to add another ballroom to their golden money palace. ![]() I've bent an ear to many who call it a vastly improved epic perfectly spiced with all the gay sex that cut out of Mass Effect 2 and an equal number who call it a rushed out cash-in with more loading time than a truckful of giant sea turtles. The opinions I've been hearing on Dragon Age II have been, like the Burger King Kid's Club, rather absurdly mixed. ![]()
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